Dear Tom
by imafeckingstarr
Summary: The students have come across the long-lost replica of Tom Riddle's Diary. Writing in their dearest questions they want answered, they figure out that it also speaks back to them... With odd comments. A Tom Riddle Tribute! XD
1. Dear Tom

_Edit: _The students have found the long lost replica of Tom Riddle's Diary. They enter their questions and secrets within this Diary, asking Tom many questions after the battle.  
Hehe, this was fun to write, and i intend to write more if people like it. Please review! xx

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I am positive that you are thrilled to have had the good fortune to come across my diary. Allow me to impart my knowledge and wisdoms upon you, so your lives may be as fulfilling and stupendous as my own. Who am I?  
__I am Tom Riddle..._

**Dearest Tom, **

**Your hair was always so lovely. So what's you secret? What hair-care regime did you use? Not that I need it, I'm just curious.**

**Draco Malfoy**

_Malfoy, _

_Nobody will ever know my dearest secret… (Snape's Special Hair Potion)_

**You, my good sir Riddle, are a mystery wrapped in an enigma. How might I get my hands on some of this potion? And do you have any eye shadow recommendations? **

**Pansy Parkinson**

_Miss. Parkinson,_

_Use said hands to pick it up from a shelf._

_I do not use eye shadow, nor do I ever intend to. I am not a girl; I am the almighty Lord Voldemort, Tom Riddle. I have no needs for this 'eye shadow.'_

**Tell me, good sir, what the name of the plastic surgeon was who performed your nose job? **

**Anonymous **

_Cowardly anonymous wizard, _

_I find your assumption amusing. Had I the need for such alterations, I could simply use my incredible skills with magic._

**Mr. Riddle,**

**How is it that you can seal away your heart and feel no pain, no love, no regret or be hurt from another human? What do you recommend for someone who desires power and long-life such as you had? **

**Marcus Flint**

_Flint, _

_If you do not have the power you crave, clearly you do not desire it enough. Of course, you shall never beat me regardless of what you do._

**Mr. Tom Riddle,**

**You were rather attractive when you were young, what turned you into this terrible ugly thing?**

**Hermione Granger**

_Miss. Granger,_

_I am twenty one years old; there is nothing displeasing about my features. Power is beauty._

**Tom,**

**So, you hate all who are not pureblood, right? That means you hate yourself. If you hate yourself so much, why did you want to live for so long?**

**Ronald Weasley**

_Weasley,_

_I could never hate myself. I simply strive for the perfect world with myself in it._

**Dear Tom,**

**You know, you're really condescending. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you are a hypocrite. I've thought that since I first heard your story. Just because your dad was a deadbeat, doesn't mean you have to hate everyone (except yourself).**

**Affectionately Yours,**

**Little Miss Anonymous**

_Little Miss Anonymous, _

_I do not hate everyone, I merely hate those siding with Harry Potter and interfering with Mudbloods and blood-traitors. I am no hypocrite, I intend on creating a perfect world that is rid of filth such as what I mentioned earlier. _

**Dear Tom,  
Thank you for reading my other letter. I am very grateful. However, your response was unsatisfactory, and wasn't posted into this diary. I do not bow down to anyone due to my Pureblood status and ego. Anyway, to cut a long story short, what is **_**up**_** with your nostrils, dude? Do you find that it puts the ladies off?  
**

**Luna Lovegood **

**P.S. Does your non-hair leave your head cold? I've always been itching to know. **

_Miss. Lovegood,_

_I have been given enough female attention to know that my facial structure is agreeable.  
I do not feel the cold, I __**am**__ the cold._

**Dear Mr Tom Riddle,  
Because you said you are in love with yourself. What are you buying yourself for Valentine?**

**Greggory Goyle**

_Goyle,_

_I did not say I was in love with myself, simply that the only human I love is myself._


	2. Dear Tommeh

'**My lord', what have you to say about this?  
**_**'While flying around on your broom, you see a store that you used to shop at - Wal-Mart. Wondering how bad it's gotten since you've last shopped there, you barely walk into the building and there stands Voldemort, wearing his blue Wal-Mart vest, ready to greet you and put stickers on all of your items that you're returning. You wave, he waves back, and then you turn and run for your life.'**_

**Now I'm curious, did you work at Wal-Mart whilst Harry was out kicking ass?**

**George Weasley**

_Another Weasley? Well, _

_Obviously this person is a copy cat. That is not me. I have never worked at this 'Wal-Mart.' I would never work in such a shop, nor have I ever had the intentions to._

**What would you say if I said I was your horcrux?**

**Angelina Johnson**

_Miss. Johnson,_

_I would say that you were lying. I made seven, and you are not one of them._

**Dear Tom,**

**Do you cut your toenails or do you let them grow?**

**Sincerely,**

**Ginny Weasley**

_Miss. Weasley, _

_I wondered when you would return to writing in my Diary. But in answer to your abnormal question, m__y toenails stopped growing after I divided my soul into seven parts._

**Dear Tom,  
I decided to bother you again. Hope that's alright (and if it's not, who cares?)  
On a scale of one to ten, how evil would you say you are?**

**George Weasley.**  
**P.S. You can't say 11.**

_Mr. Weasley again is it?_

_Hmm…12_

**Dear Tom,  
Hmph. Whoop-de-doo, you found a way around my wording. Do you take pride in being this intelligent, Mr. Smarty-Pants?**

**George Weasley**

_Weasley (yet again? what a bother)__, _

_Yes, I take pride in my intelligence. _

**Oh but Mr. Riddle!  
It's so hard to 'mind my own business' when well, this Muggle, (The author of the story Harry Potter - J.K Rowling), tells everyone who reads her books all about you and your traitorous members. Being 13 as nothing to do with the fact – Ever heard of maturity? Why, when you were a kid, didn't you act as if you were a 36 year old? That's what I thought. Also, WHY THE HELL DID YOU NOT PUBLISH MY DIARY ENTRY?! **

**Am I not good enough?!**

**Lizzie McDonnell**

_Lizzie McDonnell, _

_No, your question before was not appropriate for my liking. In addition, __these __questions you pose make no sense._

**Dear Tom,**

**It must be hard to breathe. I mean your nose isn't really a nose is it? Your nose is really snake-like slits, so how can you take in a lot of oxygen when you're out of breath? Unless you're a mouth breather but then you'll look funny just keeping your mouth open all day.**

**Yours not-so-dearly,**

**Harry Potter**

_There is nothing wrong with my nose **Harry Potter**. _

**Dear Mr. Riddle,**

**Do you love your mum? Or are you too evil to love your mum?**

**Yours not-so-dearly,**

**The girl you dated at Hogwarts – She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named**

'_She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named,'_

_I have no mother, and I did not 'date' you at Hogwarts. I do not date. What is this filth you present me with?_

**Dear Mr. Riddle,**

**What do you, honestly, think about your muggle heritage?**

**Neville Longbottom**

_Ah, Mr. Longbottom, _

_I believe my thoughts on this are clear. If not? Look harder. I do not have the time to spell things out for you. _

**_'After seeing Crookshanks eating a piece of paper, you ask him what he is doing. He responds by punching you in the face. Fed up with the cat, you take him back to the Common Room and attempt to sacrifice him to the 'Dark Lord'" _**

**Will you accept my offering, master?**

**The Spirit of Severus Snape**

_Severus,  
I do not want this cat you speak of. It is a vulgar creature, and I do not care if you 'attempt' to Sacrifice it to me, I will not accept it._


	3. Tommy Boy

**Tom, would you be interested in going on a date with me at some point? You see, I'm rather bored with my other dates, and I'd like to spice things up a bit. Maybe kill some Mudbloods... What do you say? **

**Pansy Parkinson**

_Miss. Parkinson, _

_I see you have taken a liking towards my Diary. But __I do not date. What is it with you students and this disgusting dating activity, to which you all appear to be so fond of? _

**Mr Riddle,  
why didn't you use a pink heart shaped pillow as a horcrux?  
It'd be easier to fade in the background and be unnoticeable**

**Lavender Brown**

_Miss. Brown,_

_I neither own, nor familiarise myself with items of such a colour. Your loosely stated fact is false, as it would not blend in at all._

**But ... Pink... it's a beautiful colour!!**

**Never mind.**  
**Hmm...**

**What how did you feel when you found out Severus had been against you all the way and you never realised that?**

**Lavender Brown**

_Miss. Brown (again?!), _

_Who is Severus? Who is this person you are speaking of? I do not know what you are talking about as all of my servants are faithful to me._

**Tom, why haven't you graced us with your appearance prior to now? And also, if you were to get another tattoo, what would it be of? **

**Dumbledore's Portrait **

_Dumbledore,_

_I needed some light amusement to pass the time before your total destruction.  
Your other question is so preposterous, I won't even answer it._

**Why don't you open the Chamber of Secrets again?**

**And what do you think of Half-bloods?**

**Hagrid**

_Hagrid,_

_You have no business knowing about the Chamber of Secrets, I should curse you for this.  
As for being a half blood, it is as filthy as being a muggle born._

**Dear Mr. Riddle,**

**I must ask is you have considered learning French. I found that the best way to monopolize the fashion industry is through French. Your thought would also be welcomed.**

**Pavarti Patil**

_Miss. Patil,_

_Fashion is of no interest to me._

**Mr. Riddle,**

**One thing necessary for global conquest is money. Will you disagree with this statement?**

**Seamus Finnegan**

_Mr. Finnegan,_

_I will disagree with this statement, only because it is a phenomenal statement that is untrue. You do not need money for a 'global conquest.'_

**What I don't understand is how I am Muggle Born when my sister is a Pureblood. Well, actually, now she's a Unicorn. Mr. Riddle, would you know the answer? Am I not my parents' child? Or is my sister adopted? Should I have been born a horse?**

**Confused-Wizard**

_Confused-Wizard,_

_I don't have any knowledge on your family, nor do I wish to._

**Great Lord,**

**when you come to power (ultimate power that is); what will be the first wizarding law that you will change?**

**Voldemort Fangirl**

_Voldemort Fangirl (Fangirl? What has the world gotten to?),_

_I will only change one law. __No one will ever have to pay to go to the toilet; it is a basic human right._

**Dear Mr. Riddle, Sir Tom, Lord Voldemort, Dark Lord, Master, Weird Face, Ugly Nose,**

**Why is my sister a pureblood when I am a half-blood????**

**And why is your nose so ugly!?**

**Annabel Marie Wilson**

_Miss. Wilson, _

_You are __yet another who assumes I would wish to know about their family; how amusing._

**Mr. Riddle,**

**I would like to know exactly why you went after Harry Potter and his family instead of Neville Longbottom. I am merely curious. After studying through memories in Dumbledore's pensive I have only come to one conclusion of your decision – guess work. Both Harry and Neville were born in the same month, and roughly at the same time, so why Harry?**

**Hermione Granger**

_Miss. Granger (another post? This girl must have many questions),_

_I was informed of whom to go after from a loyal servant of mine. He overheard the prophecy that was being said to Albus Dumbledore in the Hogshead. He told me everything that I needed to know about to prevent my downfall. Therefore, my decision was precise, not guess work. _

**Dear Tom,  
I am a Dark Lady-in-training, and I was wondering whether you could supply me with any advice? I am trying to aim for the Enslave-The-World conquest.**

**The-Dark-Lady-In-Training**

'_The-Dark-Lady-In-Training,'_

_Yes. I have one piece of advice for you._

_Bow down to my power._

**My Dear Sir,**

**You're very, very kind to have taken the time for an open diary entry from someone like myself. Word of mouth has told of your magnificence Nagini. A triumph amongst her species! A mix of constrictor and venom! As a breeder of serpents myself I was wondering if the Heir of Slytherin would grace me with some insider tips for cross breeding magical snakes?**

**I remain, Sir your**  
**much**  
**Oblige and faithful**  
**member of**  
**Slytherin**  
**Miss M.R**

_Miss. M.R, _

_Nagini is the Queen of all serpents, I require no other. Therefore, I do not breed._

**YO TOMMY BOY!!**

**You promised to come back in a haunting form and have a few drinks with me... what's up dude? Other spirits got ya hung up on your shoelaces?**

**Lee Jordan**

_Jordan, _

_Such frivolities hold no interest to me._

**Tommyyyyy....**

What do you do in your spare time?

Beth Sonnet

_Miss. Sonnet  
I plot your demise, and also complete the occasional paint-by-numbers._


	4. Dearest Tommy

_My Diary had been malfunctioning due to the amount of abysmal and ludicrous questions being asked. I do not take these matters lightly; and anyone who begins this so called 'spam' about my facial features and use of make-up will be punished. You have been warned. _

_Now that has been made clear to you all you may once again bask in my glory. Even I must admit that I am particularly pleased to be able to converse with the members of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin House once more. Let the writing begin once again my loyal minions. _

**Dear Tommy Boy,  
Well anyhow, glad to be asking you questions again. I would like to know how did you chose Lord Voldemort to be your name you could have been Lord Rotlemovd or some thing else.  
Your favourite,  
Padma Patil **

_Miss Patil,  
Why question something that in the end does not matter?_

**Dear Tom Riddle,  
I'm also very pleased that we have the opportunity to ask you questions and interact with you once again. My question is, besides **_**Avada Kedavra**_**, what is your favourite Unforgivable Curse? And why?  
Your most loyal servant,  
Susan Bones**

_Miss Bones,  
The Cruciatus Curse. Mainly because it is painful; suffering is always a great addition to any death._

**Dear Mr. Riddle,  
Do you have a FaceBook and a tumblr? If not, you should get one and stay in touch with your loyal minions.**

**Blaise Zambini **

_Do you really think, Mr. Zambini, that I would like to spend my time interacting with Muggles and MudBloods in such a way?_

**Dear Tom,  
If you are so awesome, then why did you get defeated by Harry? Don't pretend you don't know who he is. That's just fake.  
From,  
Ginny Weasley**

_Miss Weasley,_

_I do not ever say I do not know who the boy is. He did not defeat me, I defeated myself. _

**Dear Tom, **

**I must ask this - How did you come to be the "head" of the Slytherin Crowd at Hogwarts? I mean, I know through torture and high-grades you garnered respect, but surely your last name "Riddle" was a clear indicator to your Half Blood heritage? Or did you kill anyone or 'obliviate' anyone who found out? OR in fact, did you then blackmail each and every one of them in order to create a pseudo non-voluntary Death Eater group? **

**Your Sincere Follower,**

**Millicent Bullstrode **

_Miss Bullstrode, _

_Fear breeds popularity, though such things do not matter to me. _

**Dear Tom,  
If you ever fell in love and they hurt you, would you get revenge and make it painful? **

**Emmy Covington**

_Miss Covington, _

_First of all, I would never fall in love, for it is a waste of time. Second of all, yes. _

**Dear Tom,  
If the number 2 pencil is so popular, why is it still 'number' 2? How do you get off a non-stop flight? If love is blind, why is marriage such an eye opener? Do fish get cramps after eating? How can something be new and improved? When standing in line at the bank, fast food, or ticket line, why do people create two feet of imaginary space between themselves and the person being waited on?**

**- Draco Malfoy**

**P.S. Does that count as too many questions? If so, please excuse me.**

_Mr. Malfoy,_

_The answers to your questions are as follows: 2 is the second darkest shade of graphite in a pencil; why use this method of travel when we have apparition?; Those that marry are fools; No; these questions are getting ridiculous; the space is a social requirement; and, yes. Do not ask me that many questions again or I will kill you._

* * *

_Ah yes, the replica of Tom Riddle's diary has been...well, fixed; so to speak. I decided that after numerous requests that I'd add two more chapters to this question and answer fic being as well, certain friends asked me too :)  
__If you have any questions that you would like to ask Tom, please, leave them in the reviews and I'm sure he'd answer them all! Though be warned, he does not take things lightly. Everything you say goes to heart...well, you know what I mean. _

_Read and Review!  
imafeckingstarr xx_


	5. Tom Marvolo Riddle

**Tom, love, yes we are all aware of your hearts' small size being able to make the Grinch jealous, but honestly, did you never even have so much as one schoolyard crush? Maybe a pureblood that shared a similar fascination with taking over the wizarding world? No? Well, if you did, what would she – or he; I'm not here to judge – be like? Thanks for your time. I'm sure you're immensely busy doing whatever it is teenage villains do, y'know, torturing small animals and whatnot. **

**Yours,  
Meg Lacroix**

_Miss Lacroix,_

__

What is it with you young witches and my love life? Very well, since you asked nicely, I'll tell you a secret.  
I had a minor fascination with Caitlin Merrythought; the only girl in Slytherin house whom I could actually stand. But she wasn't as cunning as I was; though she had some talent in the Dark Arts. I killed her moments after graduation, simply for my own amusement. That and I don't like competition, and she was getting deeper into the arts by the minute; deeper than I. I couldn't let that happen now, could I?

**How does it feel to know that you defeated yourself? You actually ended up killing YOURSELF; such a failure?**

-Narlaa-

_Miss -Narlaa-_

Defeating myself was indeed, a better way of getting over the fact that I got beat by a two-year-old. Not that Harry Potter brought my ultimate destruction, no, I simply decided to embrace death; thus my succession; not failure.

**Dear Tom,**

**Just out of curiosity, have you ever had sexual intercourse with the one and only Bellatrix Lestrange? I know several people are just as curious as I.**

**- David**.

_David,_

Such trivialities enlighten me.  
_In answer to your question: many times on numerous occasions._

**Dear Tom,**

**Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?**

**Brainless Nitwit**

_Brainless Nitwit,_

_I am Team Neville._

**Hey Tommy boy**

Can I have some Chocolate? Please?

**Eleanor Poppy Johnson**

_Miss Johnson,_

No, you cannot. I will not surrender my chocolate, how dare you insinuate this idea.

**Tom,**

**Where's the other pipe bomb?**

**Jak MingChang Lingard**

_Mr. Lingard,_

_Pipe bombs are ghastly muggle things that kill EVERYONE - including wizards; so why in Salazar's name would I divulge and invest in such petty things? _

**Well at least my head doesn't resemble a breast, 'your lordship.'**

**Jak MingChang Lingard**

_Mr. Lingard,_

_I should curse you for suggesting such a thing. _

**Hey Tom,**

**If I were to shout 'surprise' before committing the act, would it hold up in a court on charges of rape?**

**Shaun Partridge**

_Mr. Partridge,_

_It is illuminating to see that you ask such an amusing question. However, I would not know, for I do not bother getting involved with the Law; I am the Law. _

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_Now, my dearest readers, this question I am about to ask is directed to you. Think carefully about your answer._

_Has Tom __really__ been answering these questions? Or was it just the author?_

_I'm proud to say that this is the final chapter of 'Dear Tom.'  
As proud as I am, it's really quite sad to be ending it. HOWEVER, I cannot create anymore of this, I have far too many fictions to be thinking about plus several more :)  
The question above is from both 'Tom' and myself._

In your opinion, who do you really think wrote the replies to so many questions? Please answer our question (well, it's 'questions' now, isn't it?) honestly. :)

Read and review!  
imafeckingstarr xx


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